


Memory of a Scar

by Trilled



Series: Forged in the Fire of our Fears [4]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:20:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28059843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trilled/pseuds/Trilled
Summary: Only Dax knows of the legacy Kira's skin held from spending her life under Cardassian Occupation, and Dax is the only person Kira will let close enough to help her heal.
Relationships: Jadzia Dax/Kira Nerys
Series: Forged in the Fire of our Fears [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1790863
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	Memory of a Scar

**Author's Note:**

> Set sometime season 2.

Kira thought no one else could see her scratching along her arm, her uniform rubbing and tickling along sensitive scars. Dax noticed, looking at her questioningly, and she stopped, suddenly feeling self-conscious of it. Only Dax knew what was under there. Not even Bashir had seen the legacy of spending her life under Cardassian Occupation.

She returned her attention to the staff meeting, trying to ignore the way the heavy material felt against her skin.

When the meeting finished, everyone returned to their stations. Everyone except Dax, who looked at her for a moment, plans formulating in her head.

“Major, when is your next day off? I just had a thought of something I want to show you.”

“Not the holosuite.” Kira sighed, knowing how much Dax was trying to get her in one, supposedly to improve her imagination. “They are a complete waste of time.”

“No, not the holosuite.” Dax confirmed

“Better not be. Three days I’m off next.”

Dax furrowed her brow. “That won’t work. What about next week? I’m off Monday.”

“Me too.”

“Great.” Dax smiled. “I’ll meet you at your quarters. Wear something comfortable.”

Kira watched her return to her station, intrigued by what she had planned.

=/\=

Dax finished her shift, glad to be off duty for more than 26 hours. Before going to her quarters, she stopped in at the infirmary.

“Good evening Doctor.” She approached him as he sat bent over his console in deep concentration.

He startled, “L...L...lieutenant Dax. I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Sorry to disturb you doctor. I was hoping you could do something for me.”

“Of course. What do you need?”

“I need to borrow a dermal regenerator. Just for a day.”

Bashir looked at her, surprised. “I do have to ask why. Have you injured yourself? Or are you planning on doing something that will cause injury.”

Dax shook her head. “It’s to heal some old scars.”

“Ahh. How old are you talking about?” he followed up with, wondering what Dax was up to.

Dax thought for a moment. “I’d say up to 27 years or so.”

Bashir thought for a moment about the specific number she gave him. “For Major Kira? I would recommend she comes to the infirmary if she has scars from the Occupation the need removing. I’ve had to do a lot of healing of old wounds since we’ve been here, and I can only imagine how deep some of the wounds that a former resistance member would be. Both physically and emotionally.”

Dax shook her head, “you know she’s not going to come here. In fact, she doesn’t know I’m planning this. She’d never agree unless I surprise it upon her.”

Reluctantly Bashir agreed, getting the regenerator from storage. “This is for surface level damage only. Anything deeper or muscular will require treatment here.” Bashir handed it to her. “Just be careful. From my experience with Bajorans I’ve treated, this can bring up a lot of emotions and trigger memories. I would urge you encourage her to seek counselling. There are several available on the station, both Federation and Bajoran.”

“One step at a time. I’m only just getting past her defences.”

He clapped her on the shoulder. “You’re a good friend Lieutenant. She’s very lucky to have someone willing to make the effort.” 

“She has a wonderful personality once you get to know her.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” He murmured, having more often been at the bristly end of Kira's anger, then going back to his work.

=/\=

Dax arrived at Kira’s quarters early the next morning, dressed casually in a deep purple shirt with matching soft pants.

“Good morning.” Kira smiled, welcoming her into her quarters. Once the door was securely closed she gave Dax a quick kiss on the lips. “So, what plans do you have for us today that are a surprise, and don’t involve the holosuite? What are we doing?” She sat down in the couch with her morning cup of tea, wrapping the light knitted jacket around her body. 

Dax put down a small box on the coffee table and removed her shoes before joining her on the couch, curling her legs underneath her body. “We’re staying here.”

Kira blushed red. “Oh, one of those days. But you know you don’t have to wait for a day off, you could have come over any evening.”

“Maybe later if you want we can be intimate.” Slowly Dax peeled off Kira’s jacket that had been covering her arms. She ran her fingers down the scars that crisscrossed her skin. “These bother you, don’t they?”

Kira pulled the jacket back on, covering up again. “Yes, they do.” She looked at her, annoyed at her for baring her skin and touching them.

Dax got out the box. “I borrowed this from the infirmary. It’s a dermal regenerator so I can heal any of those scars you want rid of.”

Kira looked at her, silent for a moment, then let out a big sigh. “I know I should.”

Dax tenderly stroked her cheek. “I knew you wouldn’t agree to go to the infirmary. That’s probably why you suffer with these rather than get them healed. I know how to use this so I can remove the lighter ones for you. We can take some time doing this to talk about the memories,” Dax traced along her bicep, feeling a scar under her top, “and work out if you’d like to get rid of them or keep the sentimental ones, like your first mission.”

Kira put her hand on her arm too, feeling the scar. “You remembered?”

“I understand how a scar can become a part of your life, they can form good memories, not just bad. It was one of your first stories you shared with me.”

Kira pulled up her sleeve, showing the inside of her arm. “You can start there.”

Dax gently held her arm, starting up the device and running it over scrape marks. “Self-inflicted?”

Kira curtly nodded. “I think I see why you wanted to do this today and not in the evening.”

“If you want to stop and talk things through at any point, just say the word. This is going to get emotional, but I’m here for you.”

“I know you are. I wouldn’t trust anyone else.” She admitted to Dax.

Dax smiled at her. “That’s what I had to explain to the dear doctor. He insisted that you come to the infirmary.”

Kira looked at her with wide eyes, alarmed. “You told him?”

“Well, he wasn’t going to let anyone take medical equipment without a reason.”

“So you told him it was for me?”

“He suspected I was borrowing it for you. He said he has treated many Bajorans with old scars and expected that as a member of the Bajoran resistance you would have many.” Dax finished her arm, kissing the now smooth skin by her wrist. “Done. How’s that?"

Kira stared at amazement at the smooth skin, running her fingers over it. “It’s been a long time since it looked like that.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Kira shrugged, offering her the other arm to repair next. “It was just another way of relieving built up stress and emotions, a way to feel alive. Sometimes drawing blood just felt good, and sometimes it turned emotional pain into something physical.” She looked at Dax, surprised that she wasn’t being chastised for what she had admitted doing to herself. “I know it’s not a healthy way to cope.”

“You know I’m not going to judge you for what you had to do to survive. I’m just glad you found better ways to deal with stress now.”

“I have. Meditation is actually helpful. I can do it when I go off duty, rather than waiting weeks for life to be safe again and bottling it up.”

Quickly Dax finished the second arm, less marked than the first. She held Kira's hands in hers, not just in comfort, but also feeling her skin, being aware of all the nicks and lumps. 

She stopped at a big lump on her palm. “What about this one? And the calluses.”

“I fell over while running from the Cardassian search parties and landed on a sharp rock.” Kira ran her finger over the lump on her palm. “It can go. So can the matching ones on my shin I got at the same time.”

“And the calluses further up?”

Kira shook her head, feeling emotions bubbling up, shifting where she was sitting and facing Dax while sitting cross legged on the couch. “Odo.” She looked down to her hands, stretched out while Dax ran the regenerator over the scar on her palm. “When we first met, he saw through my lies because of these hands. Said I’d never worked in the mines because my hands weren’t that callused. As bad as these marks are from years of fighting, it reminds me that I was spared the death sentence of the mines. And that Odo saved my life and didn’t turn me in for being a terrorist.”

“I never realised you knew each other before coming here.” Dax gently kissed the new skin on her hand, turning her hand over and letting Kira point out which ones to remove. 

“Oh, everyone knew about the shapeshifter on the station, how he worked for the Cardassians, but that he was fair and just to the Bajorans without being a collaborator.” She flexed her fingers as Dax finished one hand. “I didn’t realise how many I had. They’ve just become part of me. But it will be nice not to worry about how I look or covering the up.”

“Maybe next time we go out on a date I’ll find you something sleeveless to wear. We could go dancing.” 

“Dancing?”

“Yes, I’m sure Quark has a holoprogram with a ballroom in it. I’d love to show you how to dance. I’ve seen your footwork when sparing with the security team. I suspect you’ll be a great dancer.”

“And you’d know because...?” Kira smiled at her, relaxed by Dax’s tender manner and gentle caresses on her skin.

“Because Emony was a gymnast, and as a gymnast you learn to be graceful and nimble on your feet. You’ve got that ability.” Carefully Dax pulled back the jacket, revealing more scars on her arms that she was always cautious to show when they made love.

“How much have you been watched me?” Kira asked, surprised. She pointed out a big scar along her forearm for Dax to remove.

“Enough.” Dax smiled at her, winking.

“Well, you’ll have to join me one day for security practice. I’d love to see your Starfleet skills. See how long it would take for me to pin you.”

“You pin me?” Dax laughed. “I doubt you could.” 

“That sounds like a challenge Lieutenant.” Kira teased.

“If I win, you agree to come dancing with me in the holosuite.”

“Sounds fair. And when I win?”

“IF you win... I’m sure you can think of something you want.”

Kira noticed Dax was finished her forearms, and pointed out a scar on her bicep. “You know that one stays, any other marks can go.” 

Dax nodded, concentrating on her arm. 

Kira watched the blue light over her arm. “Is it silly to want to keep some?”

“Not in the least. They tell a story of your life. And your first mission with your resistance cell, that’s a pretty big thing. My first Starfleet mission as an ensign wasn’t nearly as memorable. I believe I was part of a team to conduct a follow up survey to a moon in the Elnan system where microscopic lifeforms had been detected a decade earlier. Hardly as noteworthy as shooting down Cardassian skippers in the freezing cold.”

“I’m torn between not wanting to erase my history and getting rid of this legacy left by the Cardassians.”

Dax shut off the regenerator, hoping she hadn’t pushed Kira too far.

“I’m fine Jadzia.” Kira put her hand over Dax’s holding the regenerator. “It’s just why I didn’t jump at the chance when the Federation turned up. I do want to go through with it now. I’m tired of always having to cover up, or face pity from others.” She ran her hand over her arm, her skin tingling with newness.

“Maybe a good time for a break.” Dax put the regenerator down on the coffee table, staring at Kira in a way she couldn’t shift. “You have regrets?”  
She took a deep breath. “I think I’ll have regrets no matter what I choose. I am tired of hiding away under long sleeves and dimmed lights. But I’m afraid of wiping away the memories of the people I fought with who weren’t as lucky as me.” She held out her half-finished arm. “Now, let’s get back to this before I change my mind again.”

Dax picked up the dermal regenerator, starting back along the scars. “You light candles for you’re dead, don’t you?”

“Yes. We even have a special prayer lamp for them. I’ve never bothered to get my own. I don’t want to invite any more death into my life than is necessary. I’ve gone down to the temple when someone I know has passed, or just lit my prayer candle at my alter.” She looked over to the wall where the symbol of the Bajoran faith sat on her wall with several candles in front of it.

“Then I’ll light a candle with you after. It might give you closure.”

“What? You’ll pray with me? I didn’t think you believed in the Prophets.”

“What I know is that there are lifeforms in the wormhole, and they sent the orbs to Bajor. Now I might not understand about praying but keeping someone’s memory alive is a very Trill thing to do. It would be a great way to honour their memory if you shared it with me.”

Kira grinned, touch by Dax’s gestured. “I’d love that. Thank you Jadzia.”

Having finished her arms, Dax gently ran her hand along Kira’s neck, finding the line that was usually hidden by the high collar of her uniform, but Dax often found when she kissed along her skin. 

“So, what happened here?” Dax asked, tracing her finger along the line, realising it ran across a major artery in her neck. “Did someone threaten you with a knife?”

Kira nodded, turning her head to expose it clearly. “I want it gone. It was left by a collaborator. The Shakaar were closing in on her, we’d broken into her home to gather evidence, she caught me unaware and held a knife to my throat while I was breaking into her computer system. She hesitated on drawing the knife across deeply. Furel shot her before she realised I came with friends. It was still deep enough to draw a bit of blood though.”

“Oh wow. That could have turned out so much worse for you.”

“I try not to think about all the times I nearly died. There are too many. Like the one here.” She put her hand on her chest.

“That’s a knife wound? Not just a scratch?” Dax was amazed at the small scar she had felt so many times before, nestled unobtrusively between her breasts. “It’s tiny.”

“It doesn’t take much to be fatal. His knife was blunt and the medic said it deflected away off my ribs, otherwise I wouldn’t be here to tell that tale.”

Dax moved on to another on her collarbone. “I do wonder though, given the scars all over your body, you don’t have any on your face. How come?”

“Our medic did have a dermal regenerator. But it was old and saved for severe cases and for healing wounds on our faces. The Cardassians often assumed that if you had too many injuries that you were running from a Cardassian overseer or the authorities, so we did our best to keep our appearances looking clean to avoid being stopped unnecessarily by patrols. Clothing hid most of the ravages of the Occupation. It was a small inconvenience not to have them healed, but we all accepted it.”

Dax finished the scar on her neck and collarbone exposed by her shirt. “Shall I get rid of that knife wound on your chest too?”

Kira hesitated at the thought of removing her shirt with the lights fully illuminated. “I don’t want you to pity me when you see the extent of some of them.”

Dax held her hand, rubbing it. “You may not have let me see them with my eyes, but trust me, I’ve seen them all with my hands and with my lips. How many times have I kissed your skin? Kissed along those scars to let you know that I accept them as a part of you as much as any other part of your body.”

Kira stared at her, overwhelmed by her comment. “That’s beautiful Jadzia. Thank you.” She kissed the back of Dax’s hand, then slowly lifted the hem of her top, pulling it up over her head. She couldn’t keep eye contact with Dax as she undid her bra too. “I fear they’re much worse on my back. I’ve never really seen them with my own eyes, just felt them.” She stared down at her drink, now back in her hands. “Cardassian torture is brutal.”

Dax ran her hand over Kira’s cheek, drawing her face back up to look at her. “You are still beautiful.”

“You’re biased.” Kira argued. “Now, regenerator please. I really hate this one.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Do I have to?”

“No. I just thought...” Dax paused, looking closely at the regenerator, the blue light now turned red. “Hmm, that’s odd.”

“What’s wrong?” 

“It’s not working.”

“Is there something wrong with the regenerator... or with me?”

Dax shrugged, unsure of that was wrong. “Dax to Bashir.” She tapped her commbadge. 

“Yes Lieutenant.” Bashir responded promptly.

“I’ve got a slight problem with that dermal regenerator you lent me. Is it meant to flash red?”

“Ahh, that would be the problem I warned you about with any scars that are too deep, or with tissue that may be too dense from repeated injury.”

“Oh.” Dax put a gentle hand on the scar, running her fingers along it. “This may be deeper than anticipated.”

“I can come by and take a look if you like.”

“No!” Kira said suddenly, grabbing her shirt to cover up, even though Bashir could not see her. “No need for that.”

“Thanks for the offer but I think that may be one for another day. Dax out.” She rested the scanner in her hands. “I’m sorry Nerys. I don’t think you’ll be getting rid of this scar today.”

“I’m assuming that you won’t have luck with a lot of these." Kira looked disappointed.

“Let’s try anyway. The ones on your front might not be as bad. Are there any to keep?”

Slowly Kira touched one on her right breast. “Just this one.” Kira slowly played her fingers along it. “It’s one person I never want to forget.”

Dax glanced at her as she slowly ran the regenerator over the rest of her chest, wondering if Kira would share the details of why the scar and person was so important to her. “Were they family?”

“Not quite.” Kira mentioned, and Dax raised an eyebrow in intrigue. “When I got this injury, I was nursed back to health by the first girl I think I ever loved. She would change my dressing, get me something to eat and we’d just sit together on my bedroll just quietly drinking our soup, or whatever meagre rations we had that day. There was something about just sitting together in quiet contemplation that drew me to her.”

“Please tell me this doesn’t end like most of your stories do?”

Kira quickly touched her eye, stopping the forming tear. “It does. About six months later the Cardassians got her. But what hurt worse was the ridicule I got from some in my cell over my grief for her. That’s when I learnt never to let anyone know about these feelings I have for women.”

“Oh Nerys.” Dax held her hand in hers. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.” 

Kira shooed her sympathy away. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s all in the past, and I have you in my life now. I wouldn’t have had time for a relationship back then even if it were allowed.”

“We will light a candle for her especially.”

Kira nodded her head, touched by the thought. “At this rate they might kick me out the temple for starting a fire with all these candles. Just too many people “

“We’ll find a way.” She turned off the regenerator. “All done, apart from the ones that you want a keep, and a few that are too deep.” Kira ran her hand over her chest. “Let’s move on to your back. I’ll deal with the stretch marks and those scratch marks on your stomach after.”

“You’re not going to have much success back there.” Kira slowly moving her body. “I bet it looks horrible.”

Dax lent forward, kissing the puckered skin on her shoulder. “It’s not as bad as you think. And I’ve seen you in action Kira Nerys, I can tell you were probably being a hero when you got some of these. Using your body to shield someone from danger, letting yourself take the full force of weapons over others.”

Kira nodded, and Dax heard a soft sniff. “You’re right, some of them were.”

“It’s just in your nature, it’s who you are. I know you try and lock yourself off from people, but there is always this part of you who cares more than she’d like to admit it.” She started up the regenerator, slowly working around the edge of some of the smaller scars, hoping not to get too many that couldn’t be repaired.

“It was foolish of me.”

“Maybe.” The regenerator turned red and she tried another mark on her back, “but isn’t most heroism just doing the right thing before you can consider the consequences? We’ve all done it at some stage, we just have to hope that our actions don’t get us killed.” Dax stopped the regenerator again, finding that it was running into many unsuitable areas. “I’m sorry. I’m just having no luck here.”

“Thanks for trying anyway.” Quickly Kira dressed again, hesitating to pull the jacket on again. “I don’t really need this anymore, do I?”

“Not if you don’t want to.” Dax pulled her into her arms, encouraging Kira to snuggle up against her. “Maybe we should stop for now. All this new skin is going to be really sensitive.”

“It is a bit.” She rested her head on Dax’s chest. “Just so you know, I really appreciate what you’re doing. I didn’t really want to go down and talk to Dr Bashir about all of this. He wouldn’t understand it. I don’t think anyone but other Bajorans can really understand.”

“Well thank you for trusting me with this.”

Kira chuckled softly to herself. “You don’t really give me much option not to. You’re just… there. Knowing what I need when I need it.”

Dax absently ran her fingers through Kira’s hair, playing with the short whisps. “I hope I’m being an attentive girlfriend for you. You’d tell me if anything wasn’t something you wanted?”

“Of course I would, but…” she paused, unsure how to say it. “No one has ever treated me like this before. Wanting to do things just for me and care for me like this. I could definitely get quite use to this.”

“Never?”

“Never.” Kira confirmed. “So, were you serious about coming to the temple with me?” she asked, changing the subject suddenly to avoid more uncomfortable questions about those who cared for her in the past.

“I’m always serious.” Kira looked at Dax, still uncertain if she was joking or not. “We can light a candle in their memory, you tell me about them, who they were, why they were important to you, how they died, and then I’ll sit with you while you do whatever prayer rituals you usually do. I’m not going to pretend I understand the whole concept of praying, but I want to help you remember them, and then I will know them too.”

“And Dax will know them too.” Kira realised what she was being offered. “Their memory lives on with you, because I live on with you too.” Kira suddenly understood what it all meant for her too.

“Of course you will. All my past friends and lovers do.” Dax kissed her on the cheek. “Shall we go now? Then maybe we can have lunch at Quarks afterwards.”

“I’ll just change into something more suitable.” She rubbed her hands over her bare arms, then stopped. “But I don’t need to, do I? I don’t need to cover up.”

“You look beautiful. Let’s take this first step out together.”

Kira gripped Dax’s hand, lacing their fingers together for a moment as she walked her to the main door. “As I said, you always seem to know what I need.” She pressed the door button to open it, dropping Dax’s hand. “Come on, let’s go.” Kira motioned for her to follow, and they both headed out to the Bajoran temple.

=/\=

“Ladies, I’m afraid I’m going to have to cut you off there.” Quark told them both as Dax lent up against Kira at the bar, trying to stifle a laugh.

“Cut us off?” Kira stared at him. “What do you mean cut us off?”

“It means he’s not going to serve us any more drinks.” Dax explained.

“I know what it means.” Kira looked at her, annoyed that Dax explained something she already knew. “I want to know why? He’s a Ferengi. Why won’t he take our money?” She turned to Quark, getting close in his face. “You happily took money from the Resistance when the Cardassians were here, you took my money for an alibi, why won’t you take my money now?”

Dax thought for a moment. “Hmm, why don’t you want our latinum Quark?”

“Because you’re both drunk. And,” he looked out across the Promenade. “Constable Odo is over there, and he will hold me personally responsible for anything that happens because of that.”

Kira motioned for him to lean closer to her. “Quark,” he lent in towards her, “you don’t think I can handle any of the people in your bar, even after a few drinks?”

“It’s not you I’m worried about. It’s them. And quite frankly, me too. When you get drunk, I get blamed for things I’m not sure I even did.”  
Kira reached over and grabbed him by the collar of his jacket, but Dax batted at her hand to drop him.

“Come on Nerys. Let’s find somewhere else to go.”

Kira let him go, pushing him back as she did. “Hmm, we’ll find somewhere else to go.” 

“Let’s get some water for you.” Dax grabbed Kira’s arm and pulled her along to the Replimat. “Although I like you in this state. Nicely mellowed.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re happy, you’re letting your guard down a bit, and relaxing. I bet you’d even let Julian finish off what I couldn’t today.”

Kira stiffened and stopped at the bottom step up to the Replimat. “This has all been a ploy to get me in there, hasn’t it?”

Dax looked her seriously in the eyes, “is it working?”

Alcohol and Kira’s good mood forced her laugh bursting out. “No!”

“I bet it’s because you’re too scared to go in there. You’re afraid of that man, what did you call him? A little...”

Kira put her hand over Dax’s mouth to stop her repeating the names she had called Bashir in private.

“Come on. Finish off a nice day together. You’re happily drunk, I’ll come with you. Let’s get the worst of it fixed. Just the back and shoulder. If you sober up a bit, we can return to Quark’s in time for everyone to come off duty.” Dax lent forward and whispered in her ear. “I promise that another day I’ll take you dancing and I’ll wear something revealing.”

Kira studied Dax for a moment, unable to have a rational thought as to why she wanted to say no. “Okay then.”

“Good.” Dax grabbed her hand, part leading, part pulling Kira to the Infirmary.

Bashir was sitting at a workstation and Dax threw herself towards it, leaning up against the console for support

“Doctor!” Dax called out a little louder than expected, making him jump.

“Yes. Dear Doctor.” Kira bumped up against Dax, who smothered a laugh.

“Um... yes?” He looked at both closely. “Have you both been drinking?”

“It’s a fun thing to do on a day off.” Dax crossed her arms over chest, trying not to slump down.

“But Quark kicked us out.” Kira pouted. “The small-lobed little troll.”

“Well I hate to tell you, I don’t keep any alcohol here, not in a state that is drinkable at least.” He looked at them both, amused by the state they were in, and how they were trying to pretend to be sober.

“We don’t want more to drink.” Kira looked to Dax, “What did you call me Jadzia?”

“Mellowed. You’re nicely mellowed right now.” Dax reminded her.

“Hmm, I am, aren’t I? I mean I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

“Yes, Kira wants to use your services.” Dax announced.

“My what?!” Bashir jumped, surprised by the comment.

“Your little device didn’t completely work me. At least not on my back and shoulder.”

“Oh, the dermal regenerator?” Bashir realised what she was talking about. “And you want me to use it now?”

“I suggest you do before she sobers up.” Dax winked at him.

“I do need to get your informed consent before medical treatment.” Bashir told her. “If you’ve been drinking too much to understand what you’re agreeing to...”

Kira lent in closely to him. “Doctor, I am in here right now and I am asking you to remove just a few scars on my back with your brilliant Federation technology.”

Bashir pulled back, shocked by the strong smell of alcohol on her breath. “Major, what have you been drinking? Your breath smells like table cleaner.”

Kira straightened up and shrugged. “It was blue.”

“Don’t forget the nice orange one too.”

“Ooh, that was nice.” She agreed with Dax. “But mostly Bajoran moonshine.”

Bashir grabbed for the nearest medical tricorder, first scanning Dax, then turning to Kira. “Lieutenant, you haven’t had nearly as much as the Major, but you are certainly impaired.” He double checked his reading. “I don’t know how you’re still standing Major?”

“On my legs.” Kira told him dryly, and Dax snorted.

“And the console too.” Dax muttered, trying not to laugh.

“This was a bad idea Jadzia. Clearly as a doctor he’s incompetent. I was right, he shouldn’t be practising medicine.” She went to move away.

Bashir closed the tricorder. “Maybe Bajorans process alcohol differently. If you are still standing and insulting me like that, then maybe you are competent enough to give consent.”

“I do know what I’m asking Doctor.” She stared him straight in the face, locking eyes with his. 

“Okay, go to the private treatment room. I’ll bring the equipment in there.” Bashir conceded.

“Thank you.” She sighed, glad to finally have convinced him, and wandered off with Dax to wait in the treatment room. 

“Do you really think I should go through with this now and not wait until my head is less foggy?” Kira asked, sitting up on the edge of the biobed.

“I think you’ll start making excuses again if you don’t do it today. I’m quite surprised I actually got you in here.” She carefully rested her hand on Kira’s shoulder. “The process isn’t anything to worry about. You can get this one all cleared up.” She gently ran her fingers along the scars she could feel under her t-shirt.

“Might get some better range when I play Springball.” She pulled away from Dax when she heard the faint hum of the medical trolley coming towards the room.

He handed them both a glass of water. “Hopefully this will help sober you up a bit.” 

Kira took a large gulp of water, “So, what do you want me to do?” Suddenly realising what she was agreeing to. “You need to see them, don’t you?”

“It would be best to see them rather than relying on scans.”

She handed her glass of water to Dax, fingers fumbling with the hem of her t-shirt. 

“Do you need some help?” Dax offered after a while, seeing her unable to lift the top off.

“My fingers just won’t work for me.” She looked down at her hands. “Maybe my fingers are drunk.”

“Then it’s a good thing that Quark kicked us out when he did.” She slowly lifted the back of Kira’s t-shirt up, shooting Bashir a look to not react when he saw. “He probably didn’t want your drunk fingers breaking all his glasses.” 

“No. No, you should never spill a drink. It’s a waste.” Kira held the t-shirt to her chest as Dax quickly flicked her bra undone so Bashir could get an unrestricted view of her scars.

“So... um...” he stuttered, unsure what to ask or where to start. “I’ll need you to lie down on your stomach.”

“I want them all gone. I don’t want anyone gasping when they see what those scars.” She glanced over her shoulder at him, glaring. “I heard you.”

“I... I apologise Major. The damage was more than I was expecting.”

Awkwardly Kira lay down on the biobed, draping over the edge with her arm falling off the side. “Maybe you’ll understand what I mean when I say that I was fighting for my life.” She muttered.

Dax lent up against the console behind her, watching Kira as Bashir set to work. “So does this mean you’ll now come into the holosuite with me. Quark got in some new programs we can do together, and costumes are a must.”

“You know my feelings on holosuites.”

“So you know somewhere we can enjoy a holo-novel for real? Quark has finally got in a shipment of Federation stories and I’m keen to see what he has.” Dax winked mischievously.

“Oh.” Kira realised it wasn’t what she thought. “I thought you were angling for those Trill springs you keep going on about.”

“I didn’t this time.” Dax started slipping forward and gave up on fighting gravity, sitting on the floor and sipping at her water, “because I knew you’d tell me about the springs on Bajor we could visit. But I don’t want to do a day trip to Bajor when I just want to play make believe for an hour at Quarks.”

“Well that’s the other thing. Quark.” Kira winced suddenly. “Ow Doctor, what the hell are you doing?”

“Something I hadn’t expected. This shoulder injury, what caused it? A weapon? A blast of some kind?”

“I’d rather not say.” She heard something small tinkling onto trolley beside him.

“Then do you know what this shrapnel is?” He held out a small tray with several pieces of metal on it, showing it to her. “The regenerator is pulling out any foreign material embedded in your muscles. It might be a little uncomfortable.”

Kira let out a long breath. “Latha Mabrin built the bomb. I broke into the weapons depot with Ondar. I don’t know what happened but it went off too early before we could get out of the blast zone. Ondar took the full force of it, and mostly shielded me. Still nearly ripped my arm off from the force. Wouldn’t surprise me if there was still glass and shell casing in the wound.”

“I’m sorry to hear it didn’t go as planned.” Bashir quietly returned to what he had to do. 

Dax looked to Kira, seeing her blinking away a tear forming on her eye. She reached out, holding her hand dangling over the edge. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Kira squeezed her hand back in response, happy to leave it resting in Dax’s grasp but out of Bashir’s sight. “So, how do we enjoy a holo-novel? The holo-characters act out a play for us or something?”

Dax explained the interactive aspect of a holo-novel, gripping Kira’s hand tighter every time she jumped from the pain, occasionally giving her soothing words to make her feel better.

“The shoulder is done now." Bashir told her, moving on to work on the rest of the scaring. “I’ve pulled out a bit of shrapnel from it, so hopefully you get better movement. The wound wasn’t deep at least. These others look bad. Do you care to tell me how these happened?”

“No.” She told him simply.

“It looks like multiple different injuries, some older than others. This is extended and repeated abuse.”

Kira lay silently on the biobed, squeezing Dax’s hand.

“Doctor, she doesn’t want to talk about it. Just leave it be.” Dax told him from on the floor.

Kira lay there quietly for a while, feeling her skin tingling and the pull of the scar tissue she had long become accustomed to, slowly giving way.

“These remind me of the injuries I saw on Tahna Los. The terrorist that that Cardassians wanted four weeks after the Cardassian withdrawal from Bajor.” Bashir said eventually.

“What about him?” Kira asked.

“I remember his injuries quite vividly. I think I mentioned it was remarkable that he had even survived them.” He paused, remembering what else had been said. “And then you mentioned about this being part of a Cardassian torture technique designed to keep prisoners alive. Kira? Did the Cardassians torture you?”

Kira held Dax’s hand tightly, not wanting to reveal anything more to Bashir. “Jadzia, I think we need to have another drink. I’m not nearly as mellow as you thought I was. I’ve reached the point where I just start dwelling on the past again.”

“Well, we need to change that. Did I ever tell you about the time I got Benjamin so drunk he almost failed his final exams for the semester. It took some quick talking from me to convince his Starfleet Academy professors he’d been out late helping me with a diplomatic mission and to excuse his poor marks. And it worked. Somehow they believed me when really…” 

Kira lay there quietly, listening on to Dax’s voice recount another story of her past hosts, one that eventually had Kira sniggering at her stupidity, and forgetting that Bashir was behind her removing old signs of her past. 

“The more stories I hear of Curzon, the more I am certain that we would never have got on together. I can’t imagine what Commander Sisko would have seen in him.”

“Wisdom beyond my years, a keen skill for diplomacy, a bit too much time spent drinking and gambling.”

“All you seem to tell me of is the womanising. From what I know of the Commander, he’s not that kind of man.”

“No, Benjamin kept me grounded a bit in that aspect. That reminds me of the time...”

==/\==

A month later Bashir got to see the full result of what Dax had achieved for Kira.

Walking back towards the habitat ring, Bashir in his dirty uniform, Kira self-conscious in the ball gown that showed more skin than she wanted to.

“Major, I want to thank you for saving my life back there.”

“Think nothing of it Doctor. Just doing what I was trained to do.”

“You must have been a formidable force against the Cardassians. You and your resistance cell. I only got to experience a fraction of what it must have been like for the Bajorans people.” He held up his fingers, barely apart to demonstrate how small. 

“At least you proved that you could last a day there. With your privileged life, that surprised me.”

He held his chest. “Oooh, you wound me with the truth.” He glimpsed at her and saw a smile creep onto the edge of her mouth. “To be honest, their O'Brien had to save my neck. I’ve still got a lot to learn.”

Kira nodded, and they lapsed into an awkward silence as she wished Bashir would need to turn off soon to go to his quarters.

“Ma..Major, don’t take this the wrong way, but... um... Lieutenant Dax did a good job for you. With the dermal regenerator she borrowed. I know I only got to repair the scar damage on your back, so I can only image how extensive they were before. You look very nice in that dress.”

Kira stared at him, unsure why he was saying it or how to respond. “Um... well the dress is completely impractical. We were all at the whim of the Intendant.” She looked down at her arms. “But I’m glad I got it done. And for the work you did too doctor.”

“Let me know if you want me to remove any more of the deeper, muscular scars. Dax said there were more she couldn’t fix.”

“Dax had no right sharing that information.” She felt betrayed that her secrets were out. “Maybe one day Doctor, but now is not the time. We’ve both got a lot to unpack from this experience.” She paused as they came to a junction where they had to go their own way.

“Oh, yes. Of course. Just letting you know that my services are always available, and that you shouldn’t worry about what I might see. After this experience, I don’t think anything will really surprise me when it comes to what one person is capable of doing to another. But honestly right now I just want to return to my quarters, clean up and heal my own hands.”

She looked at his dirty hands, seeing they were cracked and bleeding under all the ore dirt. “Not all scars are bad Doctor. Sometimes they’re a reminder that we’ve lived.”

=/\=


End file.
